i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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