Ambien. No doubt about it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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