I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
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we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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