I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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