I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
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