did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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