he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize