I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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