I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I won the penis lottery.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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