the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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