so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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