Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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