I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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