I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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