mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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