Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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