there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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