Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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