That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize