She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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