i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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