I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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