he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize