Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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