i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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