Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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