She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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