I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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