I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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