and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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