Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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