the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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