How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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