My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize