Your dad touched me again.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize