Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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