i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize