It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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