its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize