he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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