Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize