I accidentally burped into my bong.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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