the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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