i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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