Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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