please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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