I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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