so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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