Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize