Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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